I know. I know. I’m trying to write. The conditions are not favorable on the road. I’m going to start with today and work backwards.
Oh man, utterly confused as to what time it was this morning when I woke up. Igor promised me he’d be making breakfast again, but he woke up about 10 minutes from the time he was supposed to be at work. I didn’t get any of his famous eggs. In fact, I didn’t get anything to eat for breakfast as my computer crashed and I got really nervous. Luckily the folks at the office know how to bring back computer equipment from the dead. I did however submit my time sheet on time. The 2nd point is the really important point.
I worked a while on some stuff far too unrelated to mention. I finally hit the wall and had to grab some food. Breakfast doesn’t usually consist of a small salad and juice. I’m a grown man not an aspiring model, but today it did. I had the 250 salad. Don’t have one clue as to what that name means, but it had chicken, mushrooms, mandarin oranges and tomatoes and some olive oil. Grabbed some orange juice and pretended to be far more manly than I was at that moment.
I finally finished up my TPS reports around 5 and headed home. Engaged in eating a little like a fruit bat at that point. I had an apple, banana and some Paleo approved trail mix.
For dinner, I’m going to have some eggs and bacon in a reverse breakfast. Igor better cook. He is supposed to have a purpose around here.
I’m going to try and find some beer somewhere tonight. I have to. It is the weekend folks.
My beef for today is as mentioned above, dishes with titles that mean nothing. Are you serious folks? You can’t come up with one valid excuse why a meal is named something? I mean people come in and order these dishes every single day and you haven’t thought one minute about what they mean. I can’t imagine the laziness involved. I feel like these people just name their dishes with shit they see out the window on the way to work. I’m sure that has to be it.
Calorie counts and the day five wrap up to come later. Current weight is slightly under 225 at 224.6. I have to check some numbers as to where that was from where I left off.
The day starts off really weird. I’m up really early. I can’t sleep at this place for some reason. Probably overthinking my career, girls or travel. I’m not sure which. I think I’m up from 3:30 EST onward. Have to get some writing in. I think that is when my first post for round 2 came in.
Eventually 7:30 rolls around and the shuttle comes. I get to work and have the usual (scrambled eggs, 3 strips of bacon and 2 sausage links) except for one miscalculation. I only have egg whites. What are people thinking with only egg whites? That shit tastes awful. I hope you enjoy pissing away the flavor with your scrambled eggs. I understand if you are nobility or starring in a feature film, but average people don’t have to just eat egg whites. I think real eggs should suffice.
Lunch is salad city. I remember I had the chicken breast, lettuce, peppers and 3 hard boiled eggs. I mean folks, champions aren’t born, they are made. You have to put the right food in to get the right results.
I neglect almost all aspects of Paleo in my skip meal of the week. My lovely tour guide Jaymie picks me up and we head over to the Federal Hill area of Providence for some dinner. We head to the restaurant Zooma Trattoria.
We delve into some excellent vino, some prosciutto, fresh mozzarella and tomatoes. The entres only get better. I had scallops with beet infused risotto. Jaymie had some out of this world sacchettini. All I can think at this point is I hope all my skip meals are this awesome- excellent food and good company. Side note, as we pulled into the valet at the beginning of the meal we see this man really scurrying to try and get into his car. He was really moving for an older man. He had left his car in gear and it was about 3 seconds away from hitting the car behind it. He went into an absolute tirade after he stopped his car. I think you may have been able to hear him swearing a mile away.
Jaymie and I chilled out for a bit at Siena and drank. The waiters here were wearing this odd arm band. I still have no idea what it was. If you know, what the tight arm band thing is about for dudes write in the comments. Jaymie shares some excellent childhood stories. I’d share them, but I wouldn’t do them justice.
Head home and look forward to my travel day on Thursday.
I got back from Greece on Sunday after flying nearly 10k miles. Man, that was a super long trip. So as you can expect on Monday my body was pretty much in shambles. Lest I forget that 2 hours after arriving home I went immediately to a wedding.
I mentioned some of the reasons for starting in my Paleo Restart post. The main thing is I just wanted to feel good again. Within days of starting Paleo you’ll start to feel really good. Not like winning the lottery good or meeting your significant other good, but pretty damn close.
I started the day out with a trip to Bunny’s. Pebbles, Laura and Tews joined the festivities. I had to have the 54. See my grief with the naming conventions in a later post. Anyway caught up on the trip and scarfed down some eggs, a couple of strips of bacon and sausage and some juice. Easy enough!
Had to get backed again for another trip out to Providence. If you’ve seen Up in the Air that is basically me. So that left me time for a couple of microwaved bratwurst and mustard. Bratwurst just aren’t the same without baseball. I tell you some sports just make food what they are.
Headed off to MSP and flew through Detroit and then connected and headed to Providence. Food-wise I fared ok with a couple different juices and a banana. I couldn’t find something big for dinner so I settled with a fruit cup. Wrong choice. I was famished like 5 minutes after that mistake. If I looked particularly good that day it was because I was looking and feeling quite slim.
Caught some sleep and crossed my fingers that no meltdowns were in store for me on Tuesday at the office.
Jake aka Igor is gone on a little trip to the plains of the Red River Valley. As such I am at home without my best chef and fending for myself for the most part. Actually, Jon aka Bamm Bamm is still here with me, but his specialty is steaks. That forced both Bamm Bamm and I to do some exploring.
I think I scrapped by on a few pine nuts for breakfast as ridiculous as that sounds. Waited for the call to go to lunch.
For lunch we (Bamm Bamm and I) went to Granite City. This place has been completely redone and looks pretty nice from the inside. Very interesting to see that the restaurant has been redone in the face of it being delisted recently from the NASDAQ. I guess penny stock companies have all the money.
Too bad for me it is Paleo disaster food (waffle fries, pizza, etc.). I mean Granite City has great food if you can eat it, but it is incredibly frustrating to sit around there you can’t.
Ordered some unsweetened iced tea, a salad with what I believe is a Paleo safe vinaigrette and some chicken breasts with broccoli. Ends up being pretty funny to crush all of the food, but leave all of the wild rice. Even guilt tripped Bamm Bamm into ordering a salad alongside a burger which was easily the size of his head.
Relax and run some merrands (man errands). Get new sunglasses and pick up dry cleaning in like 45 minutes. No wasting time here. Far too important to waste time watching sports or drinking and not waste time doing errands.
Even hit the gym which looks like it has been decimated by nuclear winter. In actuality, it is just the terrific weather in Minnesota right now, but it is eerily sparse. Play some basketball against Bamm Bamm and much to my chagrin that hockey player turned elementary school basketball player just wrecks me in like 4 consecutive games of PIG. Stunned by this decimation I attempt to lift weights instead, but my inner power has all been used trying to win those ferocious games of PIG.
Attempted some Chipotle. I’ve written about this before and my sentiments are the same for the most part. Except, I have one serious complaint today. Did Chipotle recently substitute their steak with cardboard? That shit was terrible. Just give me a slap to the face next time if that is what you are going to serve. I have leftovers, but eating them is just going to bring out feelings of rage and hostility. I think I might have to pass.
Entered rooftops day 2 at the infamous Tavern (formerly Drink) in the Uptown area of Minneapolis. Had to watch the Wild do a little work and just mix and mingle with all these fine Minnesota folks. Really, Minnesotans have basically been indentured servants to winter and they are ready to have fun again.
On a very random tangent, a group of girls believes I have the voice of Brian Griffin on Family Guy. I have never noticed this and still think it isn’t true, but funny nonetheless. I’ll have to post a video and let you decide for yourself.
Day 24 ended on a real high note. The whole crew came over for some exquisite lamb meatballs, spicy chicken, steamed vegetables and mixed fruit (apples and oranges) with cinnamon.
The Elaborate Meal
The lamb meatballs were a whole concoction of ground lamb, pine nuts, fresh dill, paprika, all spice, cinnamon and probably some other ingredients I’m missing. Extremely flavorful and well worth the effort.
Day 25 was the day of the schmooze. Pretty much the only exercise for the day was walking around and talking to people. Ended up going to 3 restaurants, 4 bars and house party. Just a typical Friday I guess.
For day 25 I started out the day with just an orange and my new favorite-Diet Snapple. Diet Snapple has no sugar and very little calories, but allows me to finally drink something different than water. Igor was heard this morning, but definitely was not seen. Hard to miss the sound of pots and pans being smashed together. Also, very hard to miss the sound of excessive hair gel in the morning as well. He definitely is in the running for an honorary degree from the Jersey Shore cast with his strong use of hair gel.
Did some non-exciting work between breakfast and lunch. Won’t dwell on this.
I then went out with one of my work colleagues for lunch at a place called Mission American Kitchen http://missionamerican.com/. Real tough to order at this place, however, I eventually found something I could eat. I ended up having some seared scallops with vinaigrette and watermelon radish. It had some sauce, but I skipped it for fear of the unknown. Cavemen in general just don’t do so well with sauce. Watched my friend and work colleague eat homemade chips and dip. Would seem like I wouldn’t manage so well through this, but I passed with flying colors. Also passed the test of bread and butter delivered to the table again.
The first happy hour which started at 1 PM was a work happy hour. Got to see a bunch of familiar work colleagues and meet some students who were interested to get into consulting. Avoided the alcohol and subbed in iced tea instead. Threw in a couple of small Kobe beef sliders and fresh fruit for an appetizer. Heard the craziest story about the evolution of my employer Accenture from Arthur Andersen. I’d love to tell you more about it, but it is far too long for this blog post.
The second happy hour was a Carlson Ventures Enterprise party. It was great to see some old friends and try a couple of new brews. Very disappointed that I missed out on some locally brewed wine- I’ll try to snag some another time.
Hit the rooftops in the afternoon for all of 30 minutes. Minnesotans were out in force as it has literally gone from winter weather to summer in a few days. Had enough time for a mysterious Fulton. By the way, Fulton is definitely worth a try if you are into micro-brews.
Tried to get dinner from Jimmy John’s. I elaborate further on this in my beef of the day. Just one quick side note here. Not too many times you see a grown-man meltdown over a sandwich, but when you do you will remember it. If any of you run across a Nick Fogard on the street please try to sell him a sandwich. I’d start at $20 if I were you.
Actual dinner was only a joke. I ordered a Premium Grilled Chicken sandwich with Bamm Bamm and a few others. Basically ended up with a microwaved chicken breast wrapped in lettuce. Not the greatest meal ever, yet completely necessary to continue to move forward for the night without falling over.
Continued the schmoozing and added a little dancing for the late night activities. Had a gin and tonic or two with a couple of shots. Was still well in control and committed to my weight loss challenge. I can’t attest to how bad the pickup lines were. That may just have to be described in another post as well.
My beef today was a hack job by Jimmy John’s. Ordered a sandwich (I know I wouldn’t have had any bread). Anyway, ordered and waited over 30 minutes for delivery, but soon got a call after telling us that the order couldn’t be completed and we had to visit the store to pick up the sandwiches. Stupidest ordering deal in a very long time. Jimmy John’s wasn’t “Freaky Fast” they were more so “Incredibly Stupid”.
Day 22 ended with some spectacular chicken wings. Igor threw down a Heinz 57 style vegetable platter (cabbage, carrots, onions, etc.) which was very good as well. The wings which took a solid 45 minutes to make were made with ghee (more to come on this), Frank’s Hot Sauce, onion powder and garlic powder. Ran into all kinds of early problems putting this together. Mixed the ingredients wrong, set off all of the fire alarms and on and on. Eventually we got it all together though and the food turned out quite well. This is one of the foods that even non-Paleo folks would really dig.
So this ghee is a clarified butter. Wikipedia says it comes from sacred cows and I can believe it. I think the jar I got was about 10 bucks. I’m on the lookout for some sacred cows if you know of any please leave a comment.
Prior to this dinner, I really raised the exercise game to the next level. Went strong for 30 minutes on the elliptical and 20 minutes on the bike. 4 miles on the elliptical and 5 miles on the bike. Still tired from this even as I write about it the next day.
Turning to day 23. In a hurry again, Igor and I operate on the same fricken schedule so I’m always running behind. I have no time to grab anything whatsoever. I grab a solid 3 ounces of almonds and some Diet Snapple. Talking about this Diet Snapple in my mind adds about 30 years to my age. For 10 calories and no sugar it is worth the excessive aging. Breakfast receives a D- by barely passing as acceptable today.
Lunch was hardly spectacular as well. I watched Igor and Bamm Bamm consume sandwiches and fries like the bunch of Paleo flunkies they are. I had some weak salad with chicken, olive oil, tomatoes and cucumbers. My lunch disappointment may have reached an all-time high today. I supplemented this whole disappointment with some of that Naked Juice. It was the Mighty Mango flavor if you are keeping track at home. Lunch was a D+ at best.
Not even a hint of a snack today. How did the office become a massive starvation zone? Snack grade is a 0 so that is either an incomplete or complete failure (F) in my book.
After some god awful traffic and almost shaking from hunger I down half a dozen leftover wings in almost no time flat. I give those leftover wings a solid A. At least something today earns a respectable grade.
On a side note, I know I could never win one of those volume eating contests, but as my friends can attest speed eating titles may not be out of my reach. I’ll have to record this sometime for the world to see.
Hitting up a happy hour tonight at Chino Latino, but my food intake is going to be limited and as I promised earlier I’m not having any alcoholic drinks. No drinks until Friday for this guy.
Stay tuned for my post-dinner recap and calorie counts.
Paleo Kyle
Update:
Hitting up the bar fared really well. No alcohol. Just one wing that lit me on fire and a couple of crazy crab ball things. The Brothers Bhakta, Darwin and Sydney and I had a good time though. Had to catch up before most of them are off globe trotting in China.
I think my philosophy about how I workout is applicable here today for where I am with Paleo. When I work out especially doing cardio I try to make every mile count. The times matter for each an every mile on the elliptical machine, treadmill or bike. Well I guess I should also count that enemy combatant stair stepper machine as well. On a side note, I’m positive if people were forced to climb stairs over paying fines minor crimes would go down rapidly.
The concept from all of this is to make each food selection, each meal and each workout count. It may not matter to you for a small infraction on any of these, but eventually things spiral out of control. Compounding leads to devastating effects. Let me equate this to an acting analogy. You start out training to be Tom Cruise in a Mission Impossible movie, but with a bunch of garbage decisions you end up becoming Eddie Murphy in Pluto Nash or even worse Eddie Murphy in A Thousand Words.
You may think that both people are skinny and that is OK however, that is beside the point. Train and eat like you mean it.
The Paleo diet and Paleo lifestyle are only as effective as you make them.
Day 22 started out with the leftover fruit relish (cranberries, apples and oranges) and some cold chicken. Just not in the mood for much cooking this morning. Igor spends far more time primping than eating so not really sure what he is doing anymore.
For lunch I venture back to the last of the salad for something pretty healthy. Salad doesn’t remain the best, but I am now playing with the end in mind. If it ever stops freaking snowing pool season is on the way.
Bunch of training to do this afternoon. No movement and little activity required. Won’t dwell here.
Back to the gym for some additional shock and awe on the system. Hoping to find a machine. Most days I’m convinced I can actually find Waldo in the gym before I can find an open elliptical machine.
For dinner, I’m working on some Paleo approved chicken wings and some steamed vegetables. Don’t worry no ranch or bleu cheese dressing for me. Probably some celery though. Igor might even approve of this one.
My beef for today is from the cookbook my cousin Emily told me about yesterday. Apparently you are supposed to substitute sugar in the desserts for something called “Just Like Sugar.” Check it out for yourself at http://www.justlikesugarinc.com/. No idea how it is supposed to taste. I’m sure it will be a little like Godfather 3. Consider real sugar Godfather 1 and Splenda as Godfather 2. I haven’t actually had it, yet I’m bracing for the worst. Can’t be worse than the Paleo cheese notion I saw a while back though.
A further shout out to my cousin Claya who is starting on Paleo. Go hard!
Stay tuned for my post-dinner recap, the remaining crazy antics from my day and my calorie counts for the day.
Day 20 ended on a real high note. The whole crew whipped up some pork sausages wrapped in steamed cabbage. Served with a side of mustard this recipe will definitely be made again. I think this is the first appetizer that feels like it could be served at the ballpark.
We then had sirloin steaks with fresh mushrooms and asparagus with almonds, garlic and shallots. Rounded out the meal with some pan-fried Granny Smith apples in coconut oil. For how stupid apples are plain, this little pan frying technique certainly jazzed them up a bit.
The calorie counts were a bit higher for this meal, but well worth saving the calories of the rest of the day for this meal. I’m thinking like 950 calories vs. 500-600 for a normal Paleo meal.
Turning to today. I see that doctor’s have cracked down on the cinnamon challenge. This little stunt looked like a sheer disaster from the start. Do you really want to die from not being able to breathe because you choked on cinnamon? I didn’t think so. You may receive a nod from the Darwin Awards which in fact are the only awards that are dominated by posthumous nominees.
Here is a copy of a terrific cinnamon challenge participant
Today and through day 24 I’m going on a strict Paleo diet with no exceptions for alcohol. Also, kicking up the workouts after 2 days off. Far too tired on Saturday and just ran out of time on Sunday. I realize the excuses and am rectifying this as of today. I am basically thinking what this newscaster thought on his very first newscast after my performance over the last couple of days.
Breakfast ends up being a hodge-podge of leftover chicken and oranges. I think this may qualify as a hobo meal, but I had to eat something. Igor and/or others may have had a good breakfast, but I was certainly not up prior to his or their departures.
Lunch I’m going have a Paleo inspired salad and some fruit. Igor stole all of the sausages so I have to fend for myself on some other protein. This is a get-by type of lunch so it doesn’t have to be too fancy.
Probably have to continue eating like a stupid fruit-eating bat until I venture out and get some more acceptable snack food.
Have to go to the gym to at least check out the girls today and do a little cardio I suppose. I still don’t know what to think of this trainer situation. Bob Johnson has made it very evident what I need to do, however, I need a few more poll responses.
Oh, I am on my quest to secure a jackfruit and some stupid seaweed to complete my polls for weeks 1 and 2. This is bound to leave me with a nauseous feeling and lighter wallet. I illustrate the term “wallet” to fill the analogy. Friends of mine will know I haven’t carried a wallet in years.
Dinner I’m going back to the cookbook for another inspired recipe. Not sure what it will be at this time, but after a couple of attempts from this book it is almost guaranteed to be delicious.
My beef for today is the cost of this Paleo food. I spend a lot of money on food so I’m a touch immune to this sort of thing, but for the average person switching to fresh fruits, fresh vegetables and fresh meats is not going to make them very happy. Last night’s meal probably averaged out to about $12 a person. That isn’t too bad, yet it is certainly a hell of a lot higher than typical non-Paleo fare (e.g. mac and cheese, spaghetti, burgers, etc.). One has to consider what they are getting with their money though. Fresh not frozen and healthy and not debilitating health wise. Still have sticker shock from both that almond meal at $14.99 and dried morel mushrooms package at $24.99.
Stay tuned for more from Paleo Kyle.
Update:
Lunch was a little light, but it was quite healthy. Ended up quite a bit more vegetarian than normal.
Really went hard in the gym. Had to get through a snow storm to get there but still managed.
Dinner was primal at best. Some overdone chicken with a frozen cranberry, orange and apple relish. Definitely something I would eat again especially in the absence of sugar.
Calorie Counts for the Day:
Breakfast ~204
Lunch ~303
Dinner ~655
Snacks ~267
Total ~1429 which my calculator suggests is about 830 calories below suggested, but I’m shooting for 217 in the last week so a couple days are going to be a little light.
As I have alluded to time and time again temptation abounds on the Paleo diet. Listed below are 10 ways albeit some creative ways in which you can avoid temptation.
1. Willpower- Easily the hardest one as this often requires you to be in the midst of the cross-fire. Sit in a McDonald’s, Burger King or Pizza Hut and try to order something Paleo. This may take superhero power, yet I know this can be done. I have tried and you can read about my experiences in my prior posts. If you don’t succeed feel free to punch Ronald McDonald or any fast food mascot in the face.
2. Run Away- Not the most fun route especially if you hate running. However, you can easily run from any temptation. If you run like Forrest Gump you’ll probably miss your next meal, but this can be done.
3. Isolationism- Enact a nuclear winter on carbs. Trash, donate or hide your carbs-based foods in your residence. Highly advise not to do the same with dairy products unless you know a good cleaning service. This general practice may not work based on your living conditions and general space constraints.
4. New Place- If isolationism and seclusion don’t work and your willpower is maxed out you can try to find a new place without any food in it. I mean this takes an extreme amount of work and probably involves a broker and bunch of other nonsense yet can be done in the most extreme circumstances.
5. Coma- A medically induced coma must only be used with extreme caution. I think it can get you out of thinking about food especially non-Paelo food. I think it can probably get you out of a few other pickles that I don’t need to cover for the sake of brevity here.
6. New Friends- Making new friends is tough- not impossible though. If you hate being tempted by your friends drop them like a bad habit at least until your dieting period is over.
7. Polygamy- Your religion may prevent this, but having more than one spouse can assure you that you have multiple Paleo approved meals prepared at any given time.
8. Blog about it- Tough to become beleaguered by temptation if you are accountable to all of your readers. Unless you go Bernie Madoff and lie about the whole thing you are in some sort of accountability network with this one.
9. Watch Breaking Bad, Homeland, Game of Thrones or House of Cards. Staying hooked and in the action is important you will avoid all food and every opportunity for temptation if you are stuck laying on the coach trying to find out what happens next.
10. Fact check for CNN- This will clearly take so long that you won’t have any time to eat whatsoever.
Day 19 brought a few challenges as always, but I seemed to get through it OK. Turns out that attempting to go to Johnny Holm Band sober is like trying to slam a revolving door. It is simply not possible. Anyway, behaved myself and once again avoided the carb induced death trap that exists after bar close.
Last night I think the Paleo stocked cupboards finally broke Igor. He ended in a meltdown that I can best classify as a little something like this.
Day 20 needs to start with a preface this morning. This diet is tough, but it remains highly doable. I liken it to the infamous New Year’s resolutions. They are often very possible to follow through on, but they are often very possible to achieve with the right mindset.
Anyway, Day 20 starts at lunch this morning as I roll out of bed a little after 11. I have some Boston Market for lunch. Chicken breast sans skin, spinach and mixed vegetables (carrots, broccoli and yes even the dreaded zucchini). I throw in an orange for color. This ends up being a healthy start and convenient making it quite the double threat.
For dinner I’m really whipping up a real gem. Steak with mushrooms, shallots and asparagus. My appetizer will be a Paleo modified Pigs in a Blanket.
I’m working in a longer workout after taking off yesterday for pure exhaustion and a huge burn in my legs from my trainer preview workout on Friday.
My open question for today is whether I can get a Paleo approved delivery service in Minneapolis? I think I might be able to. I found one site called Paleo on the Go, but it looks like the meals take 3 days to ship up to Minnesota. If you have any information for me please let me know.
Paleo Kyle 